Botanical Drill Sergeant T-Shirts

"Grow!"

Prize vegetables.

Plant Lady

Garden Goddess.

"Would the widdle Venus fly trap like a fly? You'll have to beg for it."

Hermit Crabapple Tree

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

"Oh, quit your whining. At least yours comes back in the Spring

"Takes the food right out of your mouth."

Plant Reference Library - Flowers/Trees.

'Don't you think it's just a little weird to have a cemetery for houseplants?!'

A drooping plant is watered via an IV tube.

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Rats, I thought he'd like my science project!"

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

Balding gnomes

'Let's go to the Horticultural Show and taste the exotic flowers...'

"Lemming Boot Camp"

Tree Identification Field Guide...

Getting Rid of the Cure

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

'Take me to your weeder!'

Waiting for plants to grow

The tulip knew it was in trouble when called by its scientific name.

'This species of fungi was last spotted in Oxford by Alice Liddell in 1862!'

"I've never liked 'im - he's an attention seeker!"

David Attenborough

A yeoman misunderstanding an order from his drill-sergeant

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"