Boozy Banterers Pillows

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"Sipsies?"

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

Musical Accidents

'You've had enough!'

A breakthrough moment for the Wright brothers. How about some wings with that?

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"That? Oh, uh yah...that was Stuart."

'They must be trash fish!'

David Letterman

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

"We've been married so long you not only finish my sentences you start 'em too."

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

The world of Freudian slips...

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

"We met in the Galapagos."

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

'Stop me when I start extolling the virtues of socialism.'

"It's the big guy."

"Plus cute. Did I mention extremely cute, for a fusion chef?"

'While I was in the rat race, my wife ran off with a mouse!'

"I'm saving my abstinence for marriage."

"I'd feel a lot better if I had $41,568,946 in my checking account."

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

"Don’t look at me. You’re the one who brought him the newspaper."

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"