Booking Expert Pillows

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

Boyfriend of the Month.

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

How the goat got square eyes.

The Stages of Wine

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'I have Tourette's, and they play backup.'

"I can sleep late, but, as his agent, I still get ten percent of the worm."

Acme Corp - In business since 1927 BG. 'The 'BG' stands for 'Before Greenspan'.'

"Hello, police? I appear to have killed my husband with chapters 24 of 50 Shades of Grey..."

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

Trustworthy Authority.

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

'Wow!... Look at the personality on her!'

"Not so fast, Casanova! I want to get to know a man and his intentions better before I allow him to accompany me to the cinema!"

Angry Joseph in school nativity play says to Innkeeper: 'No, we did not book online.'

Tom prepares for his hot date.

"I'm a simple man, really."

'Well thank you Igor!! I spend all night making small talk with the blonde and Mr. googly eyes has to show up!!'

"Thanks for spending me hours showing me all the brochures...now I think I'll go and buy my tour on the internet."

Babe magnet

"My name is Adam and your name is Eve and that I think is a good starting point for a relationship between us!"

'The hermetically-sealed pods in the back seat are perfect for long family vacations.'

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

"Jupiter is in the Ram, which is bad news for the 17.23."

'Six months ought to be enough sleep for anyone.'

"If you're willing to wait, the soup is always better on the second day."

'No thanks! Playing doctor is how my folks ended up getting married.'

'It's Mexico, dear. They need some of their stuff back.'

'For the remainder of this health and safety discussion, I shall refrain from leaning back too far on my chair.'

"I'm still in recovery for my perfectionism."

Do you know what girls want?

"Nice of you to bring wine, but we don't drink anything that sells for under a dollar a gallon."