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"I'm confused now. Was Shakespeare somebody else or was somebody else Shakespeare?"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

First Novels.

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

Do it yourself books.

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"I am so attracted to you right now."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

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"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

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'Having algorithm and having rhythm are 2 different things.'

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A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

Guy dressed as an ostrich at a fancy dress party. Lump in birds throat like a real bird.

Leo McKern

"No. I don't want to see an all-male production of 'Little Women.' "

'We loved this book. Twenty nine experts tell you how to think independently.'

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

'Oooh. By Emily Bronte. A very controversial book...Cruelty! Passion! Death! Risky territory for a woman author in the 1800s.'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"Aperitif?"

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."