Book Lovers With A Mischievous Streak T-Shirts

'It's been cut all right. Question anyone in the family who likes to read.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

Do it yourself books.

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'He was a great writer'

Tequila Mockingbird

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

Tree Funeral

So You've Cloned Yourself

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

The Month of August

Giant to librarian: 'Excuse me, do you have a large print version?'

"I love you, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, but I'm through getting slippers for someone who hasn't published anything since 1997."

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

The Farmer Sutra.

'Okey, suit yourself but I saw the library book move.'

RETURN BOOKS HERE, 'I'm sorry, sir -- all our books on Houdini have disappeared.'

'Good book?'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Dear, when was the last time you just winged it?"

"This isn't working out - I'm an earthworm and you're a....are you even listening to me?"

'Oh-oh -- I think I've invented writer's block!'

The pop-up book of fighters

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

'He doesn't want to play doctors and nurses anymore - He just wants to play Harry Potter!'

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

Erasmus

'I stole it from the library.'

'I'm afraid you're a little late for the book signing, Mr. Dickens.'

"It's an oughtobiography...."

"Security was too tight to try and nick one of those Harry Potter books so we went and crashed Prince William's 21st instead."

How to avoid a heart attack.

"As I near my 9th life, I feel I’m entering a post-curious, pre-fatalist phase of existence."