Book Clubber Gifts

Meet The Ghostwriter

"I should like to buy a handgun while it is still legal," said Alice very gently.

'Meet the Author'/'Meet the Plagiarist' - An Author and a Plagiarist selling and signing the same book story and title.

Intellectual support animal

'I had a dream that Oprah is going to recommend your book!'

'Oooh. By Emily Bronte. A very controversial book...Cruelty! Passion! Death! Risky territory for a woman author in the 1800s.'

The Book Club

The Sisterhood Of The Travelling Wine No One Wants

"This is a 'warts and all' biography with some really great warts."

Bestsellers/Memoirs (sort of).

'Three weeks - and he hasn't finished the first paragraph!'

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

The discovery of a 51st shade of grey was met with mixed reviews.

"I knew he was going to die at the end."

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

'I hate these literary parties. All everyone does is sit around and complain about their publishers. Take mine for instance ...'

'I couldn't understand it!'

'Heath. . . Cliff!!!'

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

'Oprah wants your book for her book club. Shall I tell her to go to hell?'

"You're trapped in the world's slowest book club."

"Books have way more ideas than light bulbs."

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

John le Carre goes to MI6 heaven-RIP

"No. I don't want to see an all-male production of 'Little Women.' "

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"As her bosom rose and fell, Jean-Pierre looked on with desire... Should I keep going?"

Sue the Author 3PM

Book chat

Book Club Bouncer

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"You'll never believe who's here."

'It's a novel about a bricklayer called Fifty Shades Of Clay!'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

'Dimly Lit' section in a library.