Book Club Aficionado Gifts

'Most people wouldn't wantonly eat the hors d'oeuvres if they hadn't read the book.'

'The most moving part, for me, is when they explain how to fuse the main pipe to the power hose.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"She's promiscuous. She's in five book groups."

Night of the Living Well-Read

"It was good, but nobody died."

Marriage in the Nineteenth Century Novel

"I read an unforgettable book! Unfortunately, I don't remember the title and the author..."

Best Seller 'Screw You'. Kiss the Author's Ass 2 PM.

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

Edgar Allen Poe

Reading my Critics

The Dorrie Decimal System

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Sue the Author 3PM

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Trilby - 'The old studio'.

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

Archeologist Deciphers Limerick Heiroglyphs

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."