Bonus Banter Enthusiast Pillows

"Did you get a christmas bonus, dear?"

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Inappropriate horse whispering.