Bonding Time Fan Pillows

"I thought we could spend some father-son time together...you know, to talk about fishing, starting a campfire, dating, girls..."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

At the market

"It feels good to unwind..."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"I told you not to invite that guy!"

"Why do leaves change color?"

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

Boy sits at father's desk at work and says on phone: 'OK, I'll have my boys call your boys ..'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'A chocolate shake please. Shaken not stirred.'

EU

Holiday Travel.

"What kind of aggressive therapy?"

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

'Our Anesthesiologist resigned recently.'

'Can you read this one for me? I have a book report on it tomorrow.'

Boris Johnson vs Corona

A boxing match between Apple Brown Betty and Apple Pan Dowdy

'Look, mom! They ran out of trick or treat candy, so they gave us these kittens!'

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

Antibiotics versus probiotics: A battle of wills.

'We've engineered this cow to produce 30% more milk ... and look at her work that speed bag!'

Boxers vs. Briefs

"No, no, the way you're shifting your papers - it's all wrong."

One more ring andBbob would set off the Solicitor Glove.

News Wear World

"We moved here for the schools."

"I Win!!!"

"Date night again already?"

"And, in this corner, weighing five pounds more than she'd like..."

My dad's teaching me how to mow the lawn, fish and use the grill, I'm teaching how to Google, text and use an ipod.

'. . . 36, 37, 38, 39. . .'

' You really haven't grasped the concept of a simple cat fight, have you?'