Boiling Point Watcher Pillows

Under strict laboratory conditions, research concludes,that in spite of being watched, pots do eventually boil.

Humans...What is their purpose?

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

Time for vacation, time for work.

'Jurassic Pork.'

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

Got stuck in Iraqi oil, Unca Sam?

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

Meanwhile, back on planet earth...Greenland's ice sheet is melting faster than previously thought, sea levels could rise..."

Libyan Crude Oil

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

Scales

Fat man on scales.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

Sawdust.

"Your clock watching and staring into space skills are top notch!"