Boiling Point Watcher Pillows

Under strict laboratory conditions, research concludes,that in spite of being watched, pots do eventually boil.

Humans...What is their purpose?

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

Time for vacation, time for work.

'Jurassic Pork.'

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

Got stuck in Iraqi oil, Unca Sam?

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Libyan Crude Oil

Meanwhile, back on planet earth...Greenland's ice sheet is melting faster than previously thought, sea levels could rise..."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Scales

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Fat man on scales.

Sawdust.

"Your clock watching and staring into space skills are top notch!"

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.