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"I may come to regret this one." (Tattoo reads 'do not resuscitate).

Tattoo shop - "How may I hurt you?"

'I got tattoos to make a statement, but my teacher said I could do the same thing by joining the debating team.'

The Girl With The Draggin' tattoo: 'Hot...Cold.'

"I got this when I was inside"

'He's got your tattoos.'

Helluva tattoo, Colin!

Health and Safety.

'The lightning struck the metal stud in her tongue.'

"I realise it's not quite the prestigious city centre...but on a positive note Mr Dreadly has agreed to leave most of his tattooing equipment...."

'Rule of thumb...have it placed 3 or 4 inches higher than where you want it, because eventually, that's where it will end up.'

'I've run out of space. Could you tattoo my body in flesh tones and start over?'

'Can you run that by me again? I'm not sure I got it down right...'

"Sorry, but I never get a girls name tattooed, on a first date!"

'How's the eagle coming along?'

'You really love medical college, eh?' (body parts tattooed on man's torso).

"Nice work, who did it?"

'I brought my wife. She chooses what I wear.'

Injecting into a sailor's tattoo.

"Man with 'Mom and Dad' tattoos on either arm - "It's a real shame about your parents splitting up."

"And with this ring, I thee Wed."

"I remember when I got that tattoo. It was originally on my thigh."

'Call me old-fashioned Phillip but in my day we were content with a Prince Albert.'

Bottom art as trended by Cheryl Cole: 'Oh, Darling - how romantic! That's a tattoo of me, isn't it?'

"Me, a footballer. . ?"

"This will make vaccinating easier."

Pope getting a devil tattoo.

Tattoo Exs

'There's two or three on every High Street nowadays.'

'You can't fire me! I have the corporate logo tattooed on my chest!'

Body Piercing - Does it make my bum look fat?

'Forgive me if I doze off-it's like watching the telly!'

'Just because Darren has a few tattoos and a couple of earrings, it doesn't make him a bad person, mum.'

'I can't believe I'm actually talking to a famous tattoo model.'

Barnum & Bailey's 3 - ring progeny