Boastful Banter Buff T-Shirts

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Cat Nip.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

Cheeze Wiz.

'He does lack social skills.'

"I have no thumbs."

The Golfing Accident

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Snowman with Happy Face Badge.

Fishing line going in to water and then dropping down from sky at top of panel.

"And then on ab day they roll on their backs, flail, and mimic us in the throes of death."

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

Wedding disaster #27.

"And would you like flies with that?"

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

Milk Bar - "Don't you think you've had enough?"

"Oh, yeah? Well, you smell nice!"

"I've told you kids - that's not a toy!"

"The new OS update should fix the bug that makes you want to murder everyone."

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Pope tarts.

'We're well positioned, but we lack leadership.'

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"Beware of God"

The Quotable Ben Franklin. To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals. And not flying thy kite during thunderstorms might help, too!

'Ah, business as usual.'