Blurb Creator Gifts

'How's your newest new book comin'.'

What Could Go Wrong?

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

Will Self deprecation

'... and make it look like an accident.'

'Sire, the peasants say you're just using them.'

"Listen, kid - in the real world, great power comes with no responsibility whatsoever."

Hollywood Think Tank

Military man has pigeons lined up in front of him.

"'Kchow! Kchow! The roscoe spoke twice, and Mike dodged behind a-' Hang on, wrong book."

"I love the way it blurs the boundary between inside and out."

"I'll recommend your book if you recommend mine."

"My jacket blurbs used to have such conviction, he thought to himself wistfully."

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

"There's nothing much happening tonight... so I'm going to just talk about myself!"

'You're going to meet a tall dark stranger.'

The Best Defense for Trump's Wall

'He's just come back from a 'stress management' course.'

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

"I feel a term in congress generating headlines is a good practice for a future as a highly paid media provocateur."

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

"Baldo, it's great that you want to draw editorial cartoons for the school paper. But effective cartoons comment on important issues. They are not a forum for your personal agenda."

This is the part I hate - removing the hook.

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

"Have you any thoughts on the matter?"

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

My youthful jacket blurb writing showed such excitement, he thought with a sigh.

"Maybe nobody goes to your Web site because it's about you."

'Britishness Test.'

"Genesis" "*The King Gus Version"

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

What do you think of my idea for non-violent protests of Arizona's onerous immigration laws? Outdated. But - This is the era of MMA - Martial Arts Brawls, pay-per-view battles to submission. If you're mad at Arizona, challenge it to a cage match until one of the other of you breaks your forearm!!! Know your audience. I'll pay $16 to watch you wrestle Arizona's governor.

"What a great class. I got an 'A' in forwarding e-mail jokes."

John Bolton