Bloodsport Enthusiast Pillows

'Fred,you've been hunting a long time, haven't you?'

Hunting Assault Rifle

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Football Chameleon

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Monica Seles

A day at the transgenic races

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Ratminton

Raheem Sterling

"How should we divide the teams?"

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Gary turns 40.

"Eat my dust!"

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Saving a Heart

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."