Bloodsport Aficionado Pillows

'You're not blowing it properly. Give it here.'

"Portrait of a Lady"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

The Harper Plays Cricket.

Cristiano Ronaldo

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

Fox hunting.

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

Football.

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

"So it was a performance enhancing drug."

"Yin and Yankee fan"

'Can I see your license,please?'

Soccer player being showered with toilet roles and a toilet.

'Fantastic!Stupendous!Masterly!Mind blowing!Polished!Unbeatable!Amazing!Incredible! Out of this world!...a performance that's left me speechless.'

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'The blooming thing took a wrong turn off the course.'