Blog Banter Fan Gifts

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."