Blender Bard Mugs

What're you doing? Reviewing a new blender. The company that makes it paid me $50 to write reviews under 14 different pen names. ***** The only reason I gave this incredible BlendMaster X2500 five stars is because they don't allow you to give 20 stars! If this blender were a lady, it would be Princess Di. Buy it, yesterday! Signed, Izzy Notreal. Colorful. But you heart's not in it, Izzy. Why, why can't I ever cheat with conviction?

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

The Proust of Twitter

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

"He just found that 'pillage' rhymes with 'village'."

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

Cow writer.

'Insofar as hard figures are still unavailable, our Mr.Rendleman has written a poem which explores the essence of the firm's situation.'

Shakespeare in the clink

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

"You'd like a book by Shakespeare? Certainly sir - which one. . .?"

"I'll have the chicken or the eggs benedict—whichever of them comes first."

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

Robotic Prince Hamlet holding a human skull and saying "To be or not to be".

'To tweet or not to tweet...'

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

'To blog or not to blog, that is the question...' Shakespeare in the 21st Century

'You don't want to show favouritism Bruce-it upsets the others.'

"I saw the wariness in your eyes when you learned that I was plucked from academia to run this company, so I thought I'd allay your concerns by writing this sonnet."

I wrote a poem about our failure to capture and secure the highway. It's called "The Road Not taken."

Man Reaches For The Puree Button On The Elevator

"Langsford, will you please stop interjecting quotes from Kahlil Gibran?"

"To be or not to have been...no, that won't do. To be or not to be, that is the conundrum. Hmmm..."

'...when all at once I saw a bunch, a bunch of golden daffodils...no, it still doesn't sound right.'

'I don't 'do' chewing!'

"More sonnets and tragedies? You know the big money is in children's books, right Shakespeare?"

Preparing to paint an un-still life.

Pirate