Blame-diffuser Gifts

"Sometimes I think they hired me just to take the blame."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"My boss says I intimidate people. . . so I stared at him until he apologized."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

Take your time coming back...they're looking for scapegoats.

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, Mac, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"I'm not worried because somehow all this is your fault."

'It was productive once we found someone to blame.'

'What excuse do you have for a lousy shot now?'

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

'Never mind your ideas.. how do you come up with your excuses?'

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

"Delegating authority is useful. Delegating blame is essential."

I blame society for putting me here. But mostly I blame metallurgy for keeping me here.

"Look, I'm not blaming you. I'm just suing you."

Robots programmed to mimic humans. Who's that? Oh, we just keep him around to blame things on.

"Being a twin is great. I always have a scapegoat."

'It's not my fault! My dad channel surfs constantly!'

"Today, Trump blamed Obama, Syria blamed terrorists, Russia blamed US aggression, the US blamed Putin..."

"Don't just pin this on me. You didn't want to kill the spider either."

'You made $50,000 less than in the previous year? Gee, I really feel sorry for you guys in the private sector.'

'I am willing to fail... as long as it's not my fault.'

"So basically you are looking for books on changing everyone except yourself."

"I blame the nurses."

Surface Tension

'We don't like to use the word scapegoat.. we prefer to say you're going to be a Blame Engineer.'

'If you are wondering why I always have a smile, in the face of adversity, it's because I have you as a scapegoat.'

"I'm searching my family history in hopes of finding some generational trauma or institutionalized oppression that would explain whole I'm failing all my courses."

"It will be all your fault."

"It's not the mistake you make that's important. It's how you shift the blame."

"You blame this on the 4 martinis I drank. I blame it on the Bossa Nova."