Black Humor Fan Pillows

'I've had him sectioned under the Mental Health Act.'

"You are a hopeless failure Mr Davies but the tablets will make you think your not"

'I can get you a really cheap fare on a flight to Madrid, but you'll have to change planes at Chernobyl.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

The practical psychopath

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"I'm the bad guy..."