Black Humor Fan Pillows

'I've had him sectioned under the Mental Health Act.'

"You are a hopeless failure Mr Davies but the tablets will make you think your not"

'I can get you a really cheap fare on a flight to Madrid, but you'll have to change planes at Chernobyl.'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"I'm the bad guy..."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"The Eggsorcist"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."