Black Hole Ponderer Pillows

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

Dr. Stephen Hawking saved my life, doc. How so? Dr. Noodle. I was in a deep dark depression. I wanted to end it all. I was about to. But just then, through my tv, I heard his computerized voice announcing his discovery about black holes. They're the most powerful things there are. But he'd discovered that theoretically, they lose mass over time, until they're just ... gone. He said Things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in

'Say again: a train going 50 Miles Per Hour leaves Chicago heading to a black hole where the rules of motion change as a function of distance from a singularity ... and then what?'

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

'But what is the universe for?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

Schrodinger's Black Box

The Origins of Everything

"What's your favorite planet, Randy?" "There is only one answer, little buddy. There is only one planet full of lush, green forests and beautiful, windswept ocean vista... all of which are natural aphrodisiacs that inspire lovers, philosophers and poets." "You know, Pandora is not a real planet." "I'm talking about Earth, you... Do you ever go outside?"

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy? It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline. Well

'At least I don't have his life.'

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

Economic Downturns

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

"If the universe is expanding, that's all the more reason to get back to the city."

"Shall we put it in play?"

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

Astronaut stumbles upon a weird space anomaly.

The Apple Picker Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree....

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

Progress?