Bizarre Cuisine Critic T-Shirts

'Now, if you can get them when they're still in the clamshell, their adrenalin is way higher which enhances the taste. In fact, here comes one right now!'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

"Tell me, is a single spaghetti a spaghetus or what?"

'I told you we shouldn't have brought him.'

Intolerant Chef

'Oh waiter... there are no flies in my soup!'

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

'It might be a satanic cult: Not only did they chop his head off, they're stuffing his body with bread now...'

'Hello, police? There's been a food fight here and I'm afraid the cheese got the worse of it.'

Chef chasing an egg.

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Ramsay's kitchen nightmare.

Struggling chef.

Price and serving size: A guide.