Bizarre Cuisine Critic T-Shirts

'Now, if you can get them when they're still in the clamshell, their adrenalin is way higher which enhances the taste. In fact, here comes one right now!'

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Cooking With Pollock.

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

"Tell me, is a single spaghetti a spaghetus or what?"

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

Mime on invisible phone in restaurant.

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

'Oh waiter... there are no flies in my soup!'

'I told you we shouldn't have brought him.'

Intolerant Chef

"Just eat me, you intolerable pervert."

'Hello, police? There's been a food fight here and I'm afraid the cheese got the worse of it.'

'It might be a satanic cult: Not only did they chop his head off, they're stuffing his body with bread now...'

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

Chef chasing an egg.

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Ramsay's kitchen nightmare.

Price and serving size: A guide.