Bitterness Aficionado Mugs

"Hmm, this wine is a lot like my wife; well aged but still bitter."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

The shape of things to come

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

Barbara Cartland

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

How to injury yourself as an adult

'I fancy stretching my legs. Could you order the Bitter?'

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

'I don't care how educationally beneficial you guys may thing it is, I am not showing you the girl's video. That's what google's for.'

Man and Tree - I need a hug.

"You're not my husband."

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

Frankie Boyle

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

Standup Pharmacist

"His acceptance speech was only 140 characterslong."

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

'Dude, check it out!'

'Has anyone ever told you your tweets are Hemingwayesque?'

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

Man Struggling with Taxes/Clothing/Medical/Misc/Food/Shelter/Education.

"Damn it, when things were going well there was nothing but eye contact."

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

Group therapy for the socially retarded.

Supermarket canned laughter.

"Nice guy...but weird sense of humor."

"She looks sooo good."