Bitter Aficionado Pillows

"Let me guess - stout and bitter?"

Sitting in a tree

Valentine Day

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

Love Birds love just being together

"You call this ice?"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

You just keep giving.

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

The shape of things to come

A small heart within a big heart.

'If that's Dorothy, we're not here.'

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

'Did you drop this £20 note, Sir?' 'Ooh, YES!' 'That will be a £50 fine.'

"He loves me!"

A patient's heart monitor reveals he is thinking about fish.

"You're not my husband."

Tepid Beer - Going out of Beer.

'I can lick any man in the house!'

"You'll know when I've had enough. You'll have to wipe up the mess."

'I fancy stretching my legs. Could you order the Bitter?'

"Sure, it's an artificial fish. I caught it with artificial bait."

Man and Tree - I need a hug.

Another day, another conquest

'He is our darts team captain,he always finishes on a double.'

"He shows enormous potential."

Grim Reaper Hitchhiking

Frankie Boyle

Standup Pharmacist

Hopelessly devoted to you.