Bill-splitting Enthusiast Pillows

"Separate checks as always, Dr Jekyll."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"Heads or tails?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

I am billing, therefore I am.

"Do you want the last piece, or can I have it?"

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"I charge by the grain."

Medical Billing & Coding

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

Samosas

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

The entrées were $30 each. The extra $15 is for all that damn fresh pepper you made me grind!

'If you want to avoid the daily grind...of the organ, you could sell banana splits, entertain at birthday parties, work in a scientists lab or do accounting for politicians...'

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

"Oh, the doctor does keep up. He gets accounting magazines on the latest billing methods."

'Poor me. . . pour me a drink!'

"Warren serves as my aggregator."

'I'm afraid we never use the 'I' word around here...'

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

'I'm bringing you into the decision-making process, Ruggles. Here -- flip this coin.'

Lawyer Meditating over the Happy Thought of Billable Hours.

"That's the problem with social media. Once you let it go, it's hard to take back."

'Okay, call it in the air. Tails, or... well... whatever the alternative is.'

Pizza island.

'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'

'...Okay...so who had the thirteen bottles of Chardonnay?'

"Penny for your thoughts? I'm a solicitor, it'll cost you five hundred!"

'. . . And Keith magically had to go to the bathroom right when the bill arrives. . . why do I always have to pay the lion's share?'

"It's a quote from the builder, he says that the $2000 will just cover the cost of him coming over to laugh at us!"

Any more rude letters from you and yours won't even go into the shuffle.

'A second opinion? All right, but I charge double for that.'