Bill Shuffler Pillows

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Interior design trends for parents....

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

'Or, to put it in layman's terms, it's a major buzzkill.'

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

Have a very piratical Birthday

'It's the last time you get shore leave on your own!'

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"How do you spell time management?"

'Bills, Bills, Bills!'

"I'm slippin' ashore for some last minute essentials..."

A cat composer

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

'Ok, the cat's away. Time to play.'

As his ship sank,Robinson Crusoe was washed ashore by the currant.

'Drat! I forgot to pay my gravity bill again.'

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

Changing rooms: Men. Women. Minds.

"This one starts the day here and usually finishes the day up here."

The 'Time Management' consultant rang to say she double booked and she's going to be late!"

'Guess who?'

Pirate baby.

"Around here they want things in triplicate."

Flexitime.

If I ever end up dancing like that, please buy me a one way ticket to Switzerland.

Magic Trick

"Okay. So much for scrimping and spending."

Pirate on Jeopardy