Big Business Humor Pillows

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I see everyone got the memo.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''