Bickering Aficionado Pillows

"Yes, you'll do it? Or yes, you wish I were dead?"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'Arf! Arf!'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Dog phrenology

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'Sure, he acts like he's into you now, but, trust me...he's only interested in one thing.'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Dog in therapy.

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

The Art of Bantering!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

A lesson in wit

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

Select a song: Another Dog Barking. Lots of Other Dogs Barking. Howling. Siren. Doorbell. Dog Karaoke.