Biblical Satire Fan Pillows

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

A Wii in a manger

"Bloody typical, you wait for ever, then three of the buggers come along together!"

Young Jesus learning to walk on water with waterwings around his ankles.

"So what did you expect from one rib?"

OK, ok, I'll get rid of the emojis.

"O.K., O.K. ... I'd lay with Peter betroth Paul and smite Luke."

Eva and snake in Garden of Eden, BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE.

And God created loud annoying devices ...

"Does this mean we're gay?"

'This new religion sounds neat — what kind of fertility rites does it have?'

'God cocks it up'

'Does the fig leaf make my butt look to big?'

"Spoiler alert with the carnivores, they think it's a dinner cruise."

"If the apple doesn't work I have a plan B."

"Like I said, there's no commandment specifically banning body piercings or facial tattoos - it's just not recommended."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"