Biblical Prophecy Ponderer Pillows

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Please take your receipt!'

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

"I'll have dessert first."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'I say we try it.'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

Fortune teller sees impending doom

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

Jesus wept

'What did He do before he was God?'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

'He's always looking for an argument!'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

The End is Near.

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

A self-filling prophecy.

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

Evolution of God. . .

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

Various Birds of Pray.