Biblical Prophecy Ponderer Pillows

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

'Please take your receipt!'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"I'll have dessert first."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'I say we try it.'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

Jesus wept

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

'He's always looking for an argument!'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'What did He do before he was God?'

The End is Near.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

Various Birds of Pray.

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

A self-filling prophecy.

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."