Biblical Parody Enjoyer Pillows

Monkey's Ejected from the Garden of Eden

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Have your people call my people."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"Don't forget the screenplay."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"Jesus is talking again with the tax collectors. We must be close to the fiscal year end."

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."