Bible Joke Appreciator Gifts

'Okay, but I think I'll need enforcers.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"OMG, LOL!"

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

What's an Imax cave?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

Laughing Zone Ahead

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"Have your people call my people."