Biannual Talks Pillows

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

The interested bystanders.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

'It makes conferences so much cheaper, no travel costs and we only need to buy our own drinks!'

Conference Pears

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'And in conclusion.'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

Anton's Bar and Grill

Is that one of those wafer thin computers?

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

Communication Breakdowns

Chaos Theory Conference.

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

"Dr Andrea Patterson; animal behaviour."

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

". . . and in the immortal words of the man on our nameplate, 'In this world, nothing is certain but death.'"

Weinberg's egregious error would damage his reputation forever, His colleagues would thereafter refer to him as 'the big double dipper,

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'