Benevolent Strategist Pillows

'I revel in competition. I have two charities, right now, vying for my $50 donation.'

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"We're making progress."

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

Snowman has cage protecting his nose.

"Civic responsibility, ethics, and a dedication to the people we serve; they're killing our business."

Cat Trap,

'That's one hell of a lawyer.'

Bear bends hunter's guns.

"Now, now, let's try using our NPR voice."

'Of COURSE we appreciate having someone with your expertise in mergers and acquisitions, but offhand I can't think of another corporation that would match up with ours.'

'If you can keep your head while all about are losing theirs...'

Boss with Angel and Devil on his shoulders - 'They're not employees, but we do have a symbiotic relationship.'

'No kidding? You're the bluebird of mutually assured destruction deterrants?'

'Oh, I'm reasonably ambitious about my military career, sir, but I don't want to set the world on fire.'

'All profits go directly to charity'

It appeals to pride,greed,lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice.'

How David Really Won

"It's great, Heidi! All the privacy I want without locking the door...And they probably won't figure it out until I'm in college!"

"We always take one piece out."

'So maybe it is feel-good legislation- What's wrong with feeling good?'

'You see, if we learn to swim upside down, they won't see us coming...'

Ad Meeting With God.

After convincing his competitors that being early to bed and early to rise would make them healthy, wealthy and wise, Ben Franklin stayed up all night working on his next invention.

'I find that if you roll your sleeves down before you go in for dinner, you don't have to wash so much.'

Infernal Revenue Service

'Okay, 20% in cash, 30% in bonds and 50% in stocks--You forgot to include lottery tickets.'

God giving simultaneous chess exhibition in Heaven

"Uh-huh...you said clean my room! Nothing was mentioned about the closet!"

I know it's cheating, but you have to admit it's pretty clever!

'Poker tournament sponsors have to report all winnings over $5,000. I quit at $4,999.'