Benevolent Strategist Pillows

'I revel in competition. I have two charities, right now, vying for my $50 donation.'

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

"We're making progress."

Snowman has cage protecting his nose.

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

Cat Trap,

Bear bends hunter's guns.

"Now, now, let's try using our NPR voice."

'Of COURSE we appreciate having someone with your expertise in mergers and acquisitions, but offhand I can't think of another corporation that would match up with ours.'

'If you can keep your head while all about are losing theirs...'

'No kidding? You're the bluebird of mutually assured destruction deterrants?'

Boss with Angel and Devil on his shoulders - 'They're not employees, but we do have a symbiotic relationship.'

It appeals to pride,greed,lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice.'

"It's great, Heidi! All the privacy I want without locking the door...And they probably won't figure it out until I'm in college!"

'Oh, I'm reasonably ambitious about my military career, sir, but I don't want to set the world on fire.'

'All profits go directly to charity'

"We always take one piece out."

'So maybe it is feel-good legislation- What's wrong with feeling good?'

'You see, if we learn to swim upside down, they won't see us coming...'

Ad Meeting With God.

'I find that if you roll your sleeves down before you go in for dinner, you don't have to wash so much.'

Infernal Revenue Service

'Okay, 20% in cash, 30% in bonds and 50% in stocks--You forgot to include lottery tickets.'

God giving simultaneous chess exhibition in Heaven

"Uh-huh...you said clean my room! Nothing was mentioned about the closet!"

I know it's cheating, but you have to admit it's pretty clever!

'Poker tournament sponsors have to report all winnings over $5,000. I quit at $4,999.'

'Since we've tried everything... Ms. Tamano has one more suggestion and will lead us in the Lord's Prayer.'