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Looking For God

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Are we there yet?'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

A surprise in heaven

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"I am not asking for directions."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Better times ahead.

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Titanic: How's my steering.

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

Battery Lighthouse

'St. Joseph's Church,today's sermon, the road to heaven (free maps)'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'I told you not to rely on the sat-nav.'

"Yeah, I have a GPS, but I have no idea where 120 degrees longitude and 80 degrees latitude is."

"According to the map, we should be nearing the North Pole, but something tells me we’ve been reading the map upside down."

'The landscape is continually shifting Son, so you have to learn to navigate by the Sun and the stars...'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"For pity's sake, George - stop tooting and ask for directions!"

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."