Belief Analyst Pillows

I could tell you why I became a pacifist, but then I'd have to kill you.

Religion, This End Up

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Welcome: Skeptics Society

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

Tonight's Lecture: Eastern Mystical Approaches to Dream Interpretation. Yin-Yang Jung.

"I saw Elvis kissing Santa Claus."

Confirmation Bias

When lice dream.

'Is there a God? God knows...'

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

'Was it the beaver dream again?'

"I see a psychiatrist holding a Rorschach test."

"Please, no! Not the pit of people endlessly describing their dreams in great detail!"

"Another nightmare?"

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

'I want you to sit up front right by my desk. It's not because I want to keep an eye on you. It's a feng shui thing.'

Then the tree walked away, and I said good-bye to it... what a dumb dream... whose idea was it to analyse my ideas.

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"Anymore, I'm appearing in only small secondary rolls in my dreams."

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"They're really more like a bucket list."

"He's mad at God."

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

'I had that dream again, the one where I couldn't breathe.'

"I believe it because I believe it and that's how I know it's true."

Wordplay: Mind Games.

'He became a dissident Dissident in protest at the Dissidents.'

'Of course I'm confused, I keep dreaming I'm an insomniac.'

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

"Perhaps we should accept her invitation to church. Then ask the priest questions during the sermon."