Begrudgingly Polite Partier T-Shirts

"At least try to act as if you are pleased to be here."

The devil you know and his plus one

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

The merger hits a snag.

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

"The originator of the office birthday party."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"Die alone"

"Me: I never get invited to anything Also me: Sorry, I'm so tired, think I'll stay in."

A Louis Auchincloss-Type Law firm

'Your neighbor wanted me to break up a wild party, but actually, I find this a congenial affair,'

'No. I insist. You first.'

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

'I certainly phoned SOMEBODY and said, honey, I'm bringing home a guest for dinner!'

"See? I told you it would be more fun settling our differences over a few drinks."

"I love what you've done with that punch bowl Reginald!"

He's shy. I always have to drag him to these things, kicking and screaming.

'My husband will be a little late getting to the office, but he's on his way.'

Gentleman whale.

Man attempts to be rid of girl's father so he can be with her

"Ah – the good, the bad, and the god-awful."

A man doffs his head in passing.

Canadian Standoff

'...46 and still have Principles...'

My cell phone minutes don't roll over and I don't want to waste them. That's why I'm dialling random numbers and wishing everyone a good day.

"Please forgive my manners, Miss, 'tis the Regency Period and we have not enjoyed rollicking sex since luncheon."

"Dammit, Trevor! Just say 'Please' so we can get outta here!"

'What do you mean... how am I?'

Dentist's patient, "Please - You don't have to get up every time a lady enters the room."