Bedtime Story Analyst T-Shirts

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"I have made some notes about last night's story, that I would like you to clarify."

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Monsters won't eat you if they're not hungry. So, each night, Mom makes it a sandwich. If I keep my room tidy.

"Name your sources."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."