Bedtime Story Analyst T-Shirts

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"I have made some notes about last night's story, that I would like you to clarify."

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Monsters won't eat you if they're not hungry. So, each night, Mom makes it a sandwich. If I keep my room tidy.

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'