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Boring Bedtime Stories.

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

At Ireland's oldst and most respected school of dance, Mrs O'Hara made a terrible discovery... (Book entitled 'The book of Irish dancing vol. 2 - How to incorporate the arms')

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

'A Great Big Bang. An I-Can-Read Cosmology Book'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

Divine Desk Bins

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

Bedtime story.

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

Dr. Reynolds unsuccessfully combines night story time with EHR pajama time.

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

Fairtale prosecutions.

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'I can't sleep. I'm too awake.'

"Then one day I thought, what the hell?! Maybe it's time I started granting a few of my own wishes."

"Please, Daddy, just one more conspiracy theory."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

"And so, with thee help of their relate counsellor, they lived happily ever after..."