Bedside Manner Critic Pillows

"I feel your pain level."

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'Isn't there ANYTHING you can do, Doctor?'

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Doctors Discussion

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'You're not listening to what you're hearing.'

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

"I find this helps, when I have to tell a patient some devastating news."

"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

'Are you a footballer?'

'Do you have to slurp while you eat?'

No Pontificating in the Bean Bag Chair

'Actually, you're my second patient if you count that cadaver in med school.'

'It's alright for you - you're going home today!'

"Do you HAVE to pick your nose at the table?!!"

"The doctor is a little squeamish, so don't mention anything gross."

"It looks like the internal bleeding should - I'm sorry. It's taking everything in my power not to tickle you right now."

'We got your test results back. Read it and weep.' Bedside bloopers

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?"

"Anyhoo, it's malignant."

'And if you like we can arrange for you to receive next to last rites on the morning of your surgery.'

"May I have this dance, Miss?"

"We have to stop meeting this way, Allison!"