Bedside Manner Advocate Gifts

"Anyhoo, it's malignant."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"I feel your pain level."

Doctors Discussion

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'You're not listening to what you're hearing.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

'Isn't there ANYTHING you can do, Doctor?'

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

"I find this helps, when I have to tell a patient some devastating news."

Cull people who talk and text during a concert you've paid good money to see.

"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

"Why don't you pull over and let us get past, you arrogant self-righteous bastard!"

'Actually, you're my second patient if you count that cadaver in med school.'

'It's alright for you - you're going home today!'

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?"

"More like 95% off!"

"The doctor is a little squeamish, so don't mention anything gross."

"It looks like the internal bleeding should - I'm sorry. It's taking everything in my power not to tickle you right now."

'We got your test results back. Read it and weep.' Bedside bloopers

'And if you like we can arrange for you to receive next to last rites on the morning of your surgery.'