Bedroom Beautifier Pillows

"Vlad realized, right there and then, that he should have bought the buff-white or even the oatmeal-colored sheets."

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

The bluebird of happiness couldn't make it. I'm the finch of eh, I can't complain.

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

Tedious Romantic.

Duvet nailed to the floor.

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

'Is your cap on tight? We don't want any more accidents in the bed, do we?'

'We'll take it!'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

"No monsters under this bed! After I cleaned there's no room."

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

Mummy Toilet Roll.

Football addict

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'Honey, I think you overdid the plastic canvas decorations in the bathroom.'

Fancy Wallpaper in a Cell

Wine Lovers

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

The trouble with memory foam beds.

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

Urban spring.

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

How men shop for towels.

"I just love what you've done with the place!"

'Tom, Roscoe has been with me for nine years. You have been with me only two years. When the sad day comes that Roscoe passes on, THEN you can move to this end of the bed.'

"Don't worry son. We're going to get you the best money that medicine can buy."

"I was proud of our house until we came here and found out how many things are wrong with it."