Bedding Plant Bandit Mugs

"Root of all evil, and step on it."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"First time pruning?"

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

Artists of the wild west.

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson of the Board. One of you will be President.'

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

BLESS YOU

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

Nannies Of The Old West

Bureau of Buzzwords

"If women are te weaker sex, how come they get most of the duvet?"

Mom's House O' Chili.

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

Round-the-world cyclist has world stolen

Photocoffier: a fresh cup of joe while you wait on copies.

One more please.

You can take the girl out of Kew...

'Remember, folks, don't try this on your own!'

Ghost appears to be struggling within sheet. Fellow ghost says: 'I warned you never to use fitted sheets.'

'Tell me the truth...does this dead body make me look fat?'

'No, Alex! This is our ‘A Penny For Your Thoughts' meeting. Stop throwing in your two cents worth!'

Horse racing is the only sport where a 3 year old can make an adult behave like a baby!

'Could you help out a fellow fisherman down on his luck? I haven't had a bite in three days!'

'The trouble with being self-employed is you can't nick office supplies!'

"Oh! So this is where you hide all the blankets you steal from me every night!"

"I understand that your next door neighbour is the public water works!?"

'Mr. Clark, if you ever want to have a bath with your favourite rubber duck again, we want two loaves of fresh white bread! And don't even think of calling the cops!'

What kind of pillows are those? Down, boy! I've been waiting years to say that! (Published originally on Feb. 17, 2014.)

"I ain't got it!!"

'I'm very disappointed in your kids. Yes, we won the game...But you didn't cover the spread!'

"Bad news. War party is on two wheelers. Move fast."

Warning: Asset Strippers At Work