Becoming A Surrogate T-Shirts

Surrogate patchwork mom

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'You can't blame the kids for being restless when we have math teachers teaching French, and English teachers teaching science.'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"Thanks for substituting. I left you some private notes in cursive."

'It actually stands for 'substitute' but it keeps the children in line.'

"A charming risk taker, who's not afraid to get bit. Boy, do I have an opportunity for you."

"They're expecting their first baby by surrogate mother!"

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."

'Actually, this is my vacation. I'm a substitute teacher.'

A man tries to avoid going over the waterfall of alcohol dependence.

Adjunct educator substitute teacher.

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

'A substitute teacher on a Friday! What an awesome way to start the weekend!'

'You're a substitute teacher...I'm a substitute student!'

Student about substitute teacher that is a sub sandwich: 'We got a good lookin' sub today.'

"I'm sorry we couldn't give you more time off for the funeral, Sam. You know how hard it is to find a substitute."

'Hey, I heard we have a sub today!'

The minister's a sub, so we're all going to sing the wrong hymn, pass it on …

Assisted pregnancy for same sex couples

Who'll fill in while your English teacher is on maternity leave? Probably and old-bag substitute. Teach English for a couple of months? I'd love to! Umm, nana? Aren't you too old to go back to teaching? Au contraire! They don't want anyone who could possibly get pregnant. Uh-oh. Age discrimination.

Keep students on their toes...

Substitute Teacher of the Year Award.

'A bike this nice, I didn't think you'd mind me bathing it in your bathtub. Do you have an extra blanket, it'll be sleeping in our room.'

'Remember. . . they can smell fear.'

Announcement over school PA: 'We're going to begin this week with an all-school search for Mr. Ridley - last Friday's substitute teacher.'

Guardianship of minors