Becoming A New Patient T-Shirts

"Does the doctor hug?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'I'm not doing well in Chemistry - I'm out of my element.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

"Hope you like working here. You'll find this place runs like clockwork!"

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'Bored?'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"We're a family here and you'll be like a son to me - illegitimate, of course."

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

Someone's going to have to tell him he's adopted...

"This is my first day. I don't have any yet."

"Just great...on my first day on the job."

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

'Nevermore.'

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

Did You Miss Me?

'Andrews, a parking space will be assigned to you in a day or two.'

I realize you're new here, Fusco, so perhaps no one told you that we replaced casual Friday with nudity Wednesday. ! !

"Welcome to the team. Now put on your Groupthing Glasses!"

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

"Mom, Dad - I'm adopted, aren't I?"

"Hold on, Brandon. Let your probationary period expire before you start microwaving fish."

A feast in a hospital bed.

'Careful. You still have that new-employee smell.'

'What's job security like around here? Well, I wouldn't bother taking off my hat or coat.'

Day One of training for the typical new worker.

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

'Thank you, my dear, for taking the runt of my litter in holy matrimony...'

"Welcome to the team, you'll mainly be working from home and just popping into the office every few weeks for a bit of chitchat and bonhomie."

'Hi, you must be the new guy.'