Becoming A New Patient Mugs

"Does the doctor hug?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'I'm not doing well in Chemistry - I'm out of my element.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

"Hope you like working here. You'll find this place runs like clockwork!"

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'Bored?'

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

Someone's going to have to tell him he's adopted...

"We're a family here and you'll be like a son to me - illegitimate, of course."

'Nevermore.'

"Just great...on my first day on the job."

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

"This is my first day. I don't have any yet."

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

Did You Miss Me?

'Andrews, a parking space will be assigned to you in a day or two.'

"Welcome to the team. Now put on your Groupthing Glasses!"

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

"Mom, Dad - I'm adopted, aren't I?"

"Hold on, Brandon. Let your probationary period expire before you start microwaving fish."

A feast in a hospital bed.

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

Day One of training for the typical new worker.

"Welcome to the team, you'll mainly be working from home and just popping into the office every few weeks for a bit of chitchat and bonhomie."

'Thank you, my dear, for taking the runt of my litter in holy matrimony...'

'Careful. You still have that new-employee smell.'

'What's job security like around here? Well, I wouldn't bother taking off my hat or coat.'

"I'm certain I speak for the entire legal profession when I say that the fee is reasonable and just."