Becoming A Host T-Shirts

"I think that before we put the flat on AirBnb we should have moved out."

Tartine

Come dine with me!

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

Canape?

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Horn of Leftovers

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

'So glad you could make it! Do come in...'

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"I'd like to toast our guests."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

Join me for dinner?

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

"We used to entertain a great deal."

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

"I sense a lot more going on with you than 'house-husband."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'