Beauty Gifts

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"I love your body - where did you get it?"

"She's had work."

'Your teeth are straight, it's you head that's crooked.'

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

'Hop up on the table and I'll have those wrinkles gone before you know it.'

Tattoos! $50 and Tattoos Removed! $10,000.

'Rub this anti-wrinkle cream on all your mirrors. It won't remove the wrinkles but it will make them harder to see.'

"Who's a pretty girl now?"

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

The Tragedy of Prosperity

"First, we'll need a sample of your DNA."

'Too much botox, Mavix...'

'It's a sunset, Billy. It's not selling anything.'

"I heard raising your grandkids can help keep you young. Please tell me there's an easier way."

'Too much Botox, Mavis.'

"You've caught me at a bad time. I was just shaving my legs."

"Our foundation covers up just about anything ??" aside from childhood trauma."

Week three, things started to get ugly.

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'Like the Brazilian?'

'Plastic Surgery, come as you are and leave as you wish'

'You've come for a facelift, I presume?'

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

'See you later, Honey.'

'Hey Pal! Can't you read?!'

Door to door salesman selling anti aging cream

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

Chicken pox, Detox, Botox

Where bikini wax comes from.

'I want a smaller carrot.'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

'Actually, I'm an athletic trainer. I just do hair removal on the side.'

'We can remove the hair from your back. Yes, your husband's back, too!'