Battle Scar Storyteller T-Shirts

"I lost it in a legal minefield."

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Warrior Woman

"I guess I was a good shot, because I took down 50 Nazis...all by myself. That's how I got my silver star. Honestly, I don't consider myself a hero. I consider myself lucky."

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

Rocket Ark

"Did you call for a Medic?"

Harry Chauvel & T. E. Lawrence

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

Left Behind

European Arms Proliferation - 1860's

"Henry took a shower yesterday right next to Winthrop Rockefeller."

Little Known Historical Fact: After regaining consciousness at the last minute, Davey Crockett's coonskin cap went on to become the Alamo's only survivor.

'Literary agency' "About your idea for a book on NATO's role in Kosovo? Russian author got there first"

"Most of the time, war...it makes no sense. A lot of times, we'd hear artillery whistling over our heads. But really, you can't move. You just wait...and wait...until it hits...and hope it isn't hitting you."

'What are you doing whining to me about your terrible childhood? Write it all down, you idiot. You've got a bestseller there.'

The origin of 'Rorke's drift' has long been a subject of intense speculation.

And I got an honorary Purple Heart for sticking myself with one of my flag pins.

"The Balkans. This is where I came in."

Lawrence of Arabia

"This is your great-uncle Rudy. In World War II, he fought with the Army, the Navy and the Marines."

'I'm only here to pep up my autobiography.'

A cavalier gentleman.

Operation Enduring Autumn

"Back in my day, 'Call of Duty' wasn't a game."

'At least never knowing who's a friendly should prepare me for a career in business.'

Why the dodo became extinct

'You know I felt pretty confident until I saw that sign... I mean, didn't we really get whupped in that fight?'

'Honey, this is my Uncle Duggie . . . he lost most of his DNA during the war.'

'Down to 43 hit points? ?have you been fighting again?'