Bat-wielder Mugs

Cricketer

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

Malcolm Sargent

'The man was real nice about it. He gave me my ball back and even said you can expect a nice call from his lawyer.'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

Bat

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

'It appears to be a genuine bat-out-of-hell.'

House Plant Party

'There's more to life than winning. There's also testing negative for steroids.'

'Wow! Did you see who just flitted past? Count Dracula!'

"I think I'll sleep in tonight!"

"I can't be sure, but I think Dracula is the bat holding the phone."

"I've had to leave the city: the noise pollution was making it difficult for me to fly safely..."

'And how often have you been to see Die Fledemaus?'

'He is not my pet...he is my son!'

The Conductor

I love hockey!

'Because I paid ten bucks for that lure, that's why.'

On my downbeat...

"Let's just say I'm leaving to pursue other interests."

"For next Father's Day, we'll get you a tie clip."

"I see Grandad's dropped off again."

'Calm down brain. Now you're just getting greedy.'

'You've take up the violin at 76? Must be hell for those living at 74 and 78...'

Sir Thomas Beecham.

Esa-Pekka Salonen

'You're behind on every pitch, Billy! Try choking up on the bat!'