Basketball Strategy Guru Gifts

'Bavetta! The foul is called 'holding.' Stop calling it 'touchy-feely.''

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

'Let's go over our secret play.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Stag poker"

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

"Watch his feet - if he doesn't step into the throw, he's going to fake it."

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

The pass the ball to Jones for a three=pointer. I wish I got to shoot sometimes. Me too. Public Health Dept. Vaccine Distribution. Distributing the vaccine is just like when we were coaching basketball. We draw up a plan which specifies who gets the shots. And whatever we decide some people will be unhappy.

"Keep your guard up and don't hold your punches. Whatever you do, watch out for his right hook!"

'Well, that was a mismatch. . . ok, we need a volunteer - who wants to guard Godzilla?'

'Watch out for the hidden ball trick.'

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

'Ring around the rosey ...'

Basketball Players Working Together

'Wanna play? We need another body... er... one more player.'

"'Just a drive and a putt' you said. This is going to have to be one hell of a putt, Fred!"

'The boss says to 'strike him out'!'

"Try caressing the ball with your bat."

'No way can I guard this guy! He's playing like he's possessed!'

Alastair Cook

'OK, here's the play, based on your prorated salaries...'

'Finally, I have a player on the floor who can run the offense.'

Basketball net above the garage door.

'It works a lot better if you try to use your head when the ball's in the air.'

Coach of basketball club sitting in his office with papers he has thrown all round the waste bin.

'Now what we have to remember is this is a game of four quarters.'

"Okay, seriously guys, who's not wearing deodorant?!"

"I just got back from my plastic surgery consultation. The surgeon is also a football coach in his free time."

'Well, no, I can't seem to find a rule forbidding this, but I still don't think it's legal.'

'What? Hand out assists to my teammates? That will just create a cycle of dependency!'

"The All-Star Game is just a fun way to decide which league will host the San Francisco Giants' next championship romp.*"

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'Players treat me with a lot more respect since they found out I'm a retired colonel.'

"All I know Doc is that I seem to feint a lot."